Conflict Resolution
Let me start out by saying that unless you are 100% willing to do whatever it takes to see problems resolved between you and those you are conflicted with, you might want to stop reading here. This blog is not for you.
If you do want to resolve conflict, I have good news for you! There is only one thing you will need to possess to accomplish it. If this single character trait can be found in you, then the other ingredients will naturally follow. Are you ready for it? It is HUMILITY.
- The gold key to being willing to bring resolution to conflict is humility.
- The key to humility is having a proper perception of what Jesus has done for you.
- If you don’t feel like you were a sinner that had to be forgiven much, then you might be haughty enough to withhold forgiveness from someone who has wounded you.
- If you realize that Jesus’ sacrifice to resolve the conflict your sin created was far greater than any price you’ve had to pay, you have the right foundation to forgive others and heal conflict.
- Conflict resolution requires that you be humble enough to seek resolution, even if you are not the one who caused the offence. Jesus requires it of you if you want to receive ongoing forgiveness of your offences against Him. (Mark 11:25-26)
There are varying degrees and levels of difficulty in the world of conflict resolution. They are as follows:
Level 1: Someone Wrongs You And Begs Your Forgiveness
If someone who wronged you comes begging you to forgive them and you can’t bring yourself to show mercy, then again, stop reading here. The other levels are going to be too difficult for you.
This may not be as simple as it sounds. If a person has hurt you badly, you may be reluctant to forgive them quickly. You may even want them to suffer a while before letting them off the hook.
It goes without saying that it is our obligation to forgive a person when they seek forgiveness. Peter asked Jesus if forgiving someone seven times in one day would be sufficient. Jesus responded that he should forgive them 70 x7!
Level 2: You’ve Wronged Someone and Then Seek Their Forgiveness.
Notice that I did not say it would be “easy.” There is no easy conflict resolution. Even asking someone’s forgiveness for something we have done wrong requires humility on our part. Nobody likes to admit to being wrong and doing foolish things.
Level 3: You do something that is not wrong, but someone perceives you as having offended them anyway.
Is this an obligation on your part? After all, you didn’t do anything wrong. Well, scriptures tells us to do it, not because we are wrong, but because God loves the offended person as much as He loves you. He wants above all to see them reconciled to Him.
To reinforce how serious He is about us doing our part, Jesus tells us not to even attempt to worship Him until we have gone to the person who is offended at us and try to bridge the gap. (Matthew 5:23-24)
If the person does not respond to efforts to reconcile, we may continue to worship God, but we shouldn’t stop making attempts to humbly reason with the offended party. They cannot make it to heaven without releasing their offence. I am to help my brother and sister overcome their weakness so that they can be right with God.
Question: What if they don’t respond graciously and make me look like a fool? That’s OK! You have just entered into the company of Jesus Himself. He came to reason with us and deliver us from our sins and we shamed and crucified Him. We are to follow in His footsteps.
This requires compassion. This person is their own worst enemy and you may be the only key that can unlock their door of offence.
Level 4: You have been wronged by someone, but in humility you go and make an attempt to resolve the conflict. The person causing the offence, however, has no desire to make peace and snubs your attempts.
Let me just say, if you have any pride left in your life, it will need to die before you can stomach this one with a gracious spirit. The only thing worse than being wounded by someone once, is to be wounded by that person twice.
This level of conflict resolution will take the grace of God in your life and you will need to truly understand how great His desire is to see that person saved. As stated before, since they cannot be saved while harbouring unforgiveness, the task lies on you to reason with them for their own salvation sake. Why endure such a venomous situation? Because Jesus did so for you.
“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool…” Isaiah 1:18 NKJV
This passage shows how the Holy God reached out to us in meekness and humility so that we would confess our sins and He could forgive us. I find myself shaking my head even as I write this. God offers to forgive us of all our offences and we snub our nose at Him to the point that He has to reason with us to reconsider. Yes, that is a true picture of the human nature.
God should have said, “Come here, I’m going to zap you!” Instead, He loved us enough to keep reaching until we came to our senses and accepted His forgiveness. If Almighty God has gone to these extremes to reach us, who are we to be too proud to reason with those who have offended us? There is no limit to how far we should reach so that those who are in error can be forgiven and saved.
By Pastor Phil Lemke
